Originally written for The HLP App
Returning to the school environment as a neurodivergent parent can come with a fair share of problems.
Between looking out for the best interests of your child, negotiating a new social space and re-entering a potentially triggering setting, this article is going to examine the challenges of revisiting the playground as well as some potential solutions that could increase your resilience, improve your relationships with your child’s school and give you and your child a more fulfilling schooling experience.
Challenges
Let’s talk about the most prominent challenge when revisiting the playground: social exclusion.
Re-entering a social environment in a school setting can be quite upsetting for neurodivergent parents. Neurodivergent students are at an increased risk of bullying, with a staggering 61% of them having experienced it on some level, which is 3 times the national average.
This bullying can create a trauma, which can be triggered when re-entering the school setting. No matter how genuine someone is being, there could be the possibility that the bully in your head can resurface, causing you to read into innocent interactions as criticism or rejection. This can be particularly prevalent if you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, which is linked to ADHD.
This can lead to some of the following things
Starting to think that YOUR challenges socialising with other parents or guardians is limiting your child
Linking your child’s success is linked to your own success in that area
Self-doubt leading to a constant battle to be understood
If you are also the parent of a neurodivergent child, you can also end up feeling judged by your child’s needs, with 88% of parents saying they “felt blamed for some part of their child’s behaviour or lack of progress”, and more than half saying “professionals supporting their child had raised concerns about their own mental health”.
Clearly, we can see that revisiting the playground is not easy, but you’re not alone. Let’s take a look at some ways you can overcome these challenges.
Solutions
First, it’s important to come to terms with the fact that you may be looking at things through your own lens instead of your child’s, which is completely normal. Your own experiences of the playground might have led you to have a negative view of that setting as a whole, which triggers an emotional response. This is not your fault, and not something you can control, but something you can accept.
The next important thing to do is focus on what you CAN control! We have a tip for this called the Circle of Control.
Visualise a large circle, with a smaller circle in the middle. In the smaller circle, you can put the things that you can control, and in the outer one, you can put the things you cannot control. In context with revisiting the playground, a good example of something that you can’t control would be how other people react to you.
But you CAN control how you react to them.
The Circle of Control can be a good visual activity that can help you gain some clarity and, dare I say it, control over your situation. Grab some paper and some coloured pens and give it a try.
Another thing you can do is educate yourself on your child’s condition and focus on your child’s strengths / hyperfixations.
Feeling like you’re being judged by the needs of your child can be an alienating experience, so learning the science behind your child’s condition can fill you with the confidence you need to negotiate most social situations. This can lead to a better understanding and greater appreciation of your child’s strengths and hyperfixations. If your child has a special interest or skill, it can do you both a world of good to nurture those interests and bring them out. For example, if your child likes cars, you can make a chart of all the cars you pass on your way into school.
Another thing that can fill you and your child with confidence is making positive affirmations on the way to school. Repeating things over and over really works and can stimulate neural pathways in your brain that can make you feel happier and more alert. Although you should make your positive affirmations personal to you, here are some positive affirmations that you can make with your child:
We are accepted and loved for who we are
Nobody is better than me, and I am no better than anyone else
We’re going to have a great day today
The day is full of possibilities
Another hands-on and visual tool for you and your child is making a model of the Myelin Sheath. This sounds complicated but stay with us. Here’s a guide on what this is and how to do it:
The Myelin Sheath is a protein coating that your brain develops to protect its nerve cells
It’s a representation of strength, resilience and brainpower
You can visualise this using some string/wires and some silly putty or blue tac
Every morning before school, you and your child can place another layer of putty around the wires, which symbolises your growing strength!
This can be a ritual, as well as a creative exercise, which can stimulate your child in multiple ways, as well as provide you with confidence to revisit the playground.
Finding other parents with things in common can be difficult, so don’t hang your self-worth on finding them. If you can find a community that understands you and your needs, consider it a bonus! But in lieu of this, you and your child can build your own community, together.
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