Originally written for The HLP App
If you’ve spent any time online in the last 5 years or so, you’ve probably seen or heard the phrase toxic masculinity. What exactly does it mean? How can we prevent it from popping up in our lives? Stick with us and we’ll answer those questions for you; it might end up leading to more positive lifestyle choices.
Defining Masculinity
Before we can talk about Toxic masculinity, we need to define masculinity. Masculinity is a big term that can mean many things, but in this case, masculinity refers to the social expectations of being a man. You could also use the word “manliness”, or “maleness”, but “masculinity” is the most commonly used word.
Masculinity and masculine people are typically stereotyped as:
Strong
Brave
Capable
Unemotional
Aggressive or violent
Serious
There’s a common phrase that can some up masculinity: “boys will be boys”. This is the idea that, because people are born male, their behaviour will never change. It’s a phrase often used to justify reckless, silly, or otherwise negative behaviour. Remember this phrase, because we’ll be coming back to it later.
Now, some of these traits are positive, and some of these traits are negative. You might identify with some of them, but not all of them. The point is, they pigeonhole people, which is never helpful.
There’s nothing wrong with being “strong” or “brave” but being expected to be strong and brave when you just don’t feel up to it is another matter entirely. Sometimes, you just need to feel sad.
Why is it toxic?
Now we’ve talked about masculinity, let’s talk about how this notion can be harmful. Masculinity can turn toxic when people glorify the set of traits associated with being "manly” to the point where they start having a harmful effect on men, and consequently, society as a whole.
Let’s take a look at an example. The expectation that men should “tough it out” or “man up” in emotionally difficult situations can lead to mental health problems down the line. According to the American Psychological Association, “stigma around receiving psychological help negatively impacts help-seeking behaviours (e.g. accessing counselling, psychotherapy, psychiatric services, etc.) in men, and adherence to masculine societal norms has been linked to inhibited psychological development.
What this means, is by putting on a brave face to save face, you could be damaging your mental health in the process. “Man up” is a phrase that pretty much sums up toxic masculinity. It can be tempting to cover up your negative emotions, but doing so leads to heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Here, we can see how toxic masculinity is detrimental to men.
There’s another phrase that perpetuates toxic masculinity, and that’s “boys will be boys”. You might have heard this on the playground at school, but the general idea extends long into adulthood. This is the idea that men and boys can be free of responsibility when it comes to negative, aggressive, or reckless actions. It’s a phrase that can be used to subtly encourage aggression, thoughtlessness, whilst repressing accountability, emotion, and sensitivity. Here, we can see how toxic masculinity is detrimental to others.
Men’s mental health crisis
It can be argued that toxic masculinity is contributing to a mental health crisis for men. Here are some key statistics on the issue:
76% of suicides are male
Suicide is the biggest killer of men aged under 45
77% of men have suffered with symptoms of a common mental health issue, like stress, anxiety or depression
40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health
The trouble is, when a society tells men and boys to “man up” and excuses destructive behaviour by saying “boys will be boys”, it puts them in a bad position. Men aren’t expected to seek help, men aren’t expected to show emotion, men aren’t expected to care. But here’s the thing:
It’s okay to feel sad and not know why, It’s okay to not stay strong, and It’s okay to ask for help.
Positive/healthy masculinity
Positive, or healthy masculinity is the notion that you can be masculine without having to repress your emotions or embody the stereotypes. Here are some examples of healthy masculinity:
Expressing your emotions in a healthy way
Acting with kindness and compassion towards others
Being brave enough to ask for help when you need it
Checking up on your mates
Being more emotionally expressive can benefit everyone in society, including you. We invite you today to think about the kind of masculinity that you embody, and think about whether you could make any small changes in your life that could lead to better mental health, better relationships, and a better community.
Men, take some time and check in with yourself.
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